Today was the first day of school for my youngest son.
I arrived early— I always like the sun position on the first day of school. Still high in the sky, but lowering— you can feel the lowering. Bright greens remain. Blooms are still relevant.
CXO got up to see him off. He didn’t have to. Off to college soon. There were two other years like this. It’s the incongruity that sets me off at times. Two O’Neil’s in the building at all times was a rule that served us.
Prep.
What I Did on My Summer Vacation.
Tree.
The two. S-L went to Canada and he got a nice T-shirt.
Camera on a car.
Better remote shot.
I am sucking in my belly. I am judged by time. It is normal. I like myself. I used to wear suits to work and I used to weigh more pounds.
This is me and my teeny tiny little baby. He is a junior in high school.
I have to hold my babies in every picture in which I appear with them. Pictures mean things. They never need to hold me; I hold them.
Back to bed, to await plain bagel toasted with peanut butter from Einstein’s Bagels.
Mirrors really are something.
Exeunt.
Obligatory Mocking of One’s Father
He is entering a vehicle. By himself. Carseats once ruled the first day of school.
He is going to operate the vehicle. He became licensed to do so yesterday. Used to rely on blankets from the trunk. Things change. For that, I am grateful. I will not relent on wistfulness though— it belongs to me for a moment. My family allows it to me.
And off.
Into the street.
Because he can.
And he is a little baby and a very good driver and strong and ready for anything.
And I let him go like this, one of a couple thousand letting-go moments.
Growth and joy and success and why are you going without me never mind of course this is awesome and perfect and I am happy.
Oh my he really is driving to school all by himself, Shade 45, no big brother.
We are good.
One day at a time, everybody.